I think most people have those moments of befuddlement or blind panic about where they are and where they are going.

I am quite sure when I was in high school I thought by this age (nope, not telling) I would have my sh*t together.

And here I am feeling like I am further than ever from having my sh*t together.

When I interrogate myself about what that even looks like, I don’t have a clear answer, just fuzzy panic.

There are the thoughts of ‘is this it?’ and ‘I am almost halfway through life and I can’t see it being too much different from the first half’ and then a different part of my brain kicks in.

In my clearer moments I have the realisation I can start from the middle of the story.

it's ok, i got this

I can start from here, from now and map and build something different.

I don’t have to seek permission.

I don’t have to have the perfect beginning of the story (or even first few chapters) to have a stellar ending.

After all, what are plot twists for?

So here I am, yelling ‘plot twist’ and starting from the middle of the story.

Same character, different perspective.

A little braver, a little wiser, a little bolder in hair colour.

I figure that means I do have my sh*t together!